How to Identify and Resolve Value Conflicts That Cause Repeating Success–Failure Patterns (Values Harmony Analysis Framework) | Anil Dagia

Why This Page Exists (And Who It Is For)

If you do serious ICF coaching, NLP coaching, leadership work, or deep personal change, you eventually notice a frustrating pattern:

People don’t fail because they lack motivation. They fail because their values are pulling in different directions.

This authority page gives you a structured Values Harmony Analysis Framework to identify value conflicts (including hidden ones), diagnose why clients repeat success–failure / progress–regress cycles, and restore values alignment so decisions become clean, behaviour becomes consistent, and follow-through becomes natural.

• If you want to learn this as a repeatable coaching skill with guided practice, see: Discovering Values (Low Ticket Course)

What is Values Harmony Analysis (Anil Dagia’s Framework)?

Values Harmony Analysis is a structured diagnostic process to identify whether a person’s top values are coherent or in conflict—and to spot the exact conflict pattern that produces repeating behavioural loops (self-sabotage, inconsistency, procrastination, people-pleasing, burnout, “I don’t know what I want”, and decision paralysis).

This framework is designed to be usable inside ICF-aligned coaching conversations (clean, ethical, client-led) and also integrates smoothly with NLP-level behavioural pattern recognition and emotional intelligence work.

What is a Value (and what it is NOT)?

A value is not a goal. A goal is something you want to achieve. A value is the internal driver that tells you what matters and what feels “right”—even when nobody is watching.

• Goal: “Lose 10 kg.”
• Value: “Health, discipline, vitality, freedom, aesthetics, performance…”

When goals and values align, behaviour becomes consistent. When goals conflict with values (or values conflict with each other), effort becomes unstable.

The Nature of Values: Why values drive behaviour underneath goals

Values influence what you prioritise, what you tolerate, what you refuse, what you delay, and what you obsess over.

• Values shape attention: what you notice and what you ignore.
• Values shape emotion: what feels satisfying vs what feels “wrong”.
• Values shape decisions: what you say yes to, and what you keep postponing.
• Values shape identity: what you must do to feel like “yourself”.

This is why values work is often the missing layer in many coaching conversations. You can ask powerful questions and still “circle the issue” if the client’s values system is conflicted or incoherent.

Values Inventory: Basic vs Advanced (and when to use which)

The Values Harmony Analysis starts with a Values Inventory (because you can’t resolve conflicts in a system you haven’t mapped).

Values Inventory – Basic

The basic inventory is the fastest way to identify a person’s top values inside a specific life context (career, relationship, money, health, leadership, business, etc.).

• Use this when you want a clean starting point quickly.
• Ideal for real coaching sessions where you need structure, not theory.

Values Inventory – Advanced

The advanced inventory goes deeper—especially when the client’s words are vague, borrowed, or inconsistent.

• Use this when the client says: “I don’t know what I want”, “I’m confused”, “I feel stuck”, “Everything matters”.
• Use this when values keep shifting across different days, moods, and people.

If you want to practise the full inventory + analysis as a guided skill, the complete step-by-step training is inside: Discovering Values.

Values Direction: Towards vs Away-From (Pull vs Repel)

Before you run Values Harmony Analysis, you first test the direction behind each top value.

For each of the top 5 values, ask: “Why is this value important to you?” and listen for whether the value is described as:

• Towards / Pull: the mental imagery is what they want to move towards.
• Away-From / Repel: the mental imagery is what they want to avoid or escape.

Important coaching detail: even if most of their description is “towards”, if there is even one away-from point, mark that value as away-from. This matters directly in Check 1.

How the Values Harmony Analysis Framework Works (Step-by-Step)

This is the practical sequence to run the full process in a clean, repeatable way (for yourself or with a coaching client) inside any chosen context (career, business, health, relationship, leadership, etc.).

1. Choose a clear context. Define the exact area you are analysing (example: body weight goal, career pivot, business growth, relationship harmony, leadership performance).
2. Run the Basic Values Inventory. Capture the full list of what feels important in that context using:
   • Simple questions (what is important about this?)
   • Motivation-based questions (what about this motivates you?)
   • Boundary conditions (deal-breakers and recovery conditions)
3. Extract the Top 5 values. From the full list, identify the five highest-ranked values for that context (the ones with the strongest behavioural impact).
4. Test Values Direction (Towards vs Away-From). For each of the Top 5, ask “Why is this important?” and mark each value as:
   • Towards / Pull (described as what they want)
   • Away-From / Repel (described as what they want to avoid)
5. Run Check 1 — Repeating Success–Failure Pattern. If even one Top 5 value contains an away-from component, correct it by rewriting the description into a clean towards form and future-pacing it through time. Then re-check the Top 5 (because the hierarchy can shift).
6. Run Check 2 — Divided / Conflicted Mind. If two towards values conflict (choice paralysis or oscillation), resolve the dilemma using structured cross-questioning so the client forms a coherent integration rule. Then re-check the Top 5 (best practice).
7. Run Check 3 — Top 5 Sort Order Coherence. Test if the client would feel satisfied if only Value #1 is fulfilled and the others are violated, then test #1 + #2, then #1 + #2 + #3, and so on. If the sort order changes, restart this check from the top.
8. Run Check 4 — Final Overall Health Check. Ask the client to imagine living the next 7 / 30 / 90 days fulfilling the Top 5 values. If anything feels missing or incoherent, let the client identify what must change. Do not immediately repeat a new inventory—allow the changes to be lived first.

Check 1: Repeating Alternating Success & Failure / Progress & Regress

This is the first major diagnostic check because it reveals a very specific pattern:

When a top value is driven primarily by avoidance (away-from), people often experience “progress–regress” cycles.

• They push hard (to escape pain / fear / pressure).
• They get short-term progress.
• Then they rebound into avoidance, procrastination, collapse, or self-sabotage.

If this check fails, the work is not “more motivation”. The work is values direction correction—helping the client re-describe the value in a clean towards-based way, so action is pulled by meaning rather than driven by threat.

Check 2: Divided / Conflicted Mind (Towards–Towards conflict)

This is the classic “I want both, but choosing one violates the other” structure.

In real life this shows up as:

• Career: growth vs stability, freedom vs security, autonomy vs belonging.
• Relationships: intimacy vs independence, honesty vs harmony, commitment vs self-expression.
• Leadership: excellence vs wellbeing, speed vs quality, control vs trust.

When Check 2 fails, you don’t “solve” it with advice. You create a structured reflection so the client can find a new coherence rule: boundaries, sequencing, contextual hierarchy, or a revised meaning that removes the contradiction.

Check 3: Top 5 Sort Order Coherence

Even when the top five values are accurate, the order can still create predictable frustration.

Here is the coherence test:

• Ask: “If only Value #1 is fulfilled and the other four are violated, would you still feel satisfied?”
• Then test: #1 + #2 only, then #1 + #2 + #3, and so on.

This question forces a real internal audit. Many people discover their lived behaviour is contradicting what they say they value—creating a quiet background frustration they can’t explain.

When this check reveals incoherence, the client may reorder values on the spot. If the order changes, restart the coherence test from the top again (because the whole hierarchy has changed).

Check 4: Final Overall Health Check (Sanity Check)

This is the last step: a clean, client-led sanity check that avoids coach bias.

Ask the client to close their eyes and imagine the next:

• 7 days (or 30/90 days depending on context) living in a way where the top 5 values are consistently fulfilled.
• Then ask: “Does anything feel missing? Does anything feel incoherent?”

If the answer is “yes, coherent”, the values system is aligned for that context.

If the answer is “no, something is missing”, the client will usually identify what must change—actions, priorities, boundaries, or even a values revamp. The key rule: don’t rush into a second values inventory immediately. Let the new insights gestate through real behaviour change.

Mastery Practice: The 100-Day Values Skill Challenge

Values work becomes powerful when it becomes a skill—not a one-time insight.

Here is the mastery structure:

• Use a Wheel of Life (your categories may be 4–7).
• Day 1: Basic Values Inventory for Category 1.
• Day 2: Basic Values Inventory for Category 2.
• Continue until all categories are done (4–7 days).
• Then repeat the cycle using Advanced Values Inventory.
• Optionally, do a third cycle focused only on Values Harmony Analysis.
• Then practise on real people: one context, one goal, one inventory at a time—daily for 30–100 days.

Within weeks, you stop “doing the model” mechanically—values start becoming visible through real behaviour, choice patterns, and language cues.

Where This Framework Is Used (Use-Case Matrix)

Values Harmony Analysis is most useful when the client has effort but lacks coherence. Common high-value use cases:

Coaching & ICF-Aligned Practice

• Decision clarity coaching: resolve “torn between two choices” loops.
• Confidence & identity work: remove value-violation patterns that create self-doubt.
• Boundaries coaching: fix people-pleasing caused by competing values (belonging vs self-respect).

Leadership & Performance

• High performer burnout: excellence vs wellbeing conflicts.
• Delegation resistance: control vs trust conflicts.
• Strategy execution: “start strong, fade out” patterns caused by away-from drivers.

Relationships & Emotional Patterns

• Conflict cycles: honesty vs harmony, autonomy vs intimacy.
• Emotional triggers: values violation often sits underneath recurring triggers.

Business & Career Direction

• Career pivot clarity: purpose vs money vs stability conflicts.
• Entrepreneur inconsistency: freedom vs security vs belonging conflicts.

Related Authority Pages (For Deeper Context)

If you want deeper supporting material across coaching competence, NLP pattern work, and emotional intelligence, explore these:

• ICF Core Competencies Explained
• How to Run Powerful Coaching Sessions (Structure + Flow)
• What is ICF Coaching?
• NLP vs Coaching: Detailed Comparison
• Emotional Triggers: How They Form and How to Work With Them

Who This Is For (And Who It Is Not For)

Ideal For…

• ICF coaches who want a structured way to handle values clarity and values conflict without advice-giving.
• NLP practitioners who want a clean diagnostic layer behind repeating behavioural patterns.
• Leaders, HR/L&D professionals, trainers, entrepreneurs, and high performers who want decision clarity and consistent follow-through.
• Anyone stuck in repeating success–failure cycles who suspects the real issue is internal misalignment.

Not For…

• People who want motivational hype instead of structured reflection and behavioural integrity.
• Anyone looking for “one technique and done” shortcuts without practice.
• People who prefer vague conversations over precise mapping of priorities and contradictions.

Your Next Step (If You Want This As A Skill, Not Just An Article)

Reading about values helps. But values work becomes transformative only when you practise it with structure—across contexts, clients, and real decisions.

• Discovering Values — ICF-aligned Values Inventory + Values Harmony Analysis (guided practice course)

If you also want the broader ecosystem context (how NLP, ICF coaching, and emotional intelligence integrate into one professional capability stack), start here:

• The Integrated Guide to NLP + ICF Coaching + Emotional Intelligence

About The Author

Anil Dagia works at the intersection of ICF-aligned coaching, NLP, and emotional intelligence—with a focus on frameworks that create measurable behavioural change (not vague insight).

• Author Page
• About Anil Dagia (Long Form)
• Media / Press
• Work With Anil Dagia (Right Fit / Not Fit)

Bottom line:

If you keep seeing repeating success–failure patterns, don’t treat it as a discipline problem.

Treat it as a values coherence problem.

When values become explicit, tested, and aligned—decisions become clean, boundaries become easier, and consistent action stops requiring willpower spikes.